Monday, 9 April 2012


The Prime Minister of Australia, Malcolm Turnbull watched transfixed with horror at the screen on his wall. Usually a most temperate man with his language, he couldn't help uttering the odd shocked exclamation as the scenes of violence outside the Cairns Regional Council that morning unfolded in front of him. "Oh shit! Shit!" he muttered.

The video filmed by two ASIO agents had been sent to Susan Clourdy, the Secretary for National Security that morning. Ms Clourdy had immediately alerted the Prime Minister and sent the video for his personal viewing.

Malcolm Turnbull shuddered at the sight of one man swinging a golf club aggressively at the closely packed crowd around him, hitting many. Streams and gushing arcs of blood poured from the faces of so many. Turnbull had never in his life witnessed such a crazed mob. Finally the frantic, crazed crowd settled on their knees or lay down as a gigantic cloud of red gas enveloped the entire scene. Turnbull wondered vaguely how much capsicum gas the police had used.

The film ending, Turnbull swung round in his desk and picked up his phone. He had seen enough. If Queensland's Premier, Campbell Newman had any sense, he would sack that fool of a fat despot, the Mayor of Cairns, Colonel Ken Cush, he thought savagely. His mind settled on the Queensland Premier for a few seconds as he scanned the telephone numbers. Elected in April 2012 with the largest majority ever seen in a State Parliament, Newman was an ultra conservative, almost USA "Tea Party" style politician. Frankly, Turnbull didn't like him. He reminded him too much of that old rabble rouser and despot, Joh Bjelke-Petersen, a former long time Premier of Queensland whose style of Government was never one of consensus, only confrontation. Yet Joh Bjelke-Petersen had also received the admiration and support of Queenslands being elected again and again for over twenty years. Queenslanders are different, Turnbull reflected for the thousandth time since he entered politics. On a par with the Deep South of America in their choice of ultra conservative fire and brimstone, bible thumping, hate mongering, divisive political representatives. Call Queensland the Australian State of Mississippi and Alabama! he thought disgustedly.

He had other reasons to dislike Newman. Since becoming Premier with the largest Parliamentary majority in all the Australian States, Newman had transformed into a domineering, unpleasant little Napoleon. The little man syndrome! as some of the Liberal Party called it. He had no Parliamentary Opposition following the 2012 State Election, only a mere handful of Opposition ALP members. Six or seven, Turnbull could never remember exactly.

Some of the changes Newman had made in Queensland since his election made Turnbull shudder. Riding high on the growing anti-green, anti-conservation feeling, Newman had overturned or demolished so much of the State's environmental protection legislation, and there were growing reports of mounting toxicity around mining sites and heavy pollution up and down the Queensland coastline, including the Great Barrier Reef. He had opened the doors up to foreign investment and Queensland was well on the way to becoming an open quarry of international corporations with absolutely no requirements for maintaining the environment.

Another aspect which Newman had succeeded in doing was to re-write the Local Government Act, empowering regional councils to make their own decisions regarding international investment in their region and to provide whatever incentives the investors required. Hence Colonel Cush's brilliant idea to sell off an area of Council parkland to the Chinese Shanghai Hangyang Corporation, known for its strong connections with China's Intelligence Agencies and Military, Turnbull thought savagely, as his call connected and he heard the voice of the Queensland Premier responding.

NEWMAN: Campbell here.
TURNBULL: It's Malcolm, Campbell. I need to talk to you.
NEWMAN: I hope you don't take long. I'm a busy man you know.
TURNBULL: Too busy to talk with your Prime Minister?
NEWMAN: You do tend to waffle on Malcolm, and frankly I don't have the time to sit
here for hours listening to you waffle.
TURNBULL: I will only take a few minutes. I want you to sack that Cairns Mayor,
Colonel Ken Cush.
NEWMAN: Won't do that Malcolm. He's one of ours mate. One of ours.
TURNBULL: I don't care if he is one of YOURS Newman or one of OURS. He has
compromised our national security with China.
NEWMAN: You must have wrong information. Cush is ex army, like me. He's
as savvy as I am on National security. Whoever gave you any information to
the contrary got it all wrong.
TURNBULL: I have just viewed video footage filmed this morning by two of my Agents
of a huge disturbance at the front of the Cairns Regional Council offices caused
by Colonel Cush wanting to sell off a huge tract of public parkland to a
Chinese Corporation with links to the Chinese military.

NEWMAN: I know what happened. The Member for Cairns is a good mate of mine and
he tells me the bloody greenies up there fired up the whole thing. The entire
fracas was caused by greenies and some big abo bloke who's on the Council.
I've always said the greenies, conservationists, environmentalists, whatever
\ they call themselves are all commos and pinkos in sheeps clothing. They are
nothing but shit stirrers and wreckers of the economy and I'm determined to
quell them once and for all. Don't you worry about that! Now Malcolm
don't waste my time any more. Cush stays. You reckon I want Labor dogs
to take over the Cairns Regional Council? Over my dead body. Got to go.
See you in Canberra next month at the Premier's Conference no doubt.
Good morning.

The phone clicked off and Turnbull found himself, dazedly holding a mute phone. He had definitey heard more than an echo of Joh Bjelke-Petersen, he thought, shaking his head.
Don't you worry about that. It was one of the old rogue's favorite expressions.

He was alerted to an incoming call.

"Mr Prime Minister Sir," said one of the Parliament Huse switchboard operators, "I have a call for you from the Chinese Ambassador. He says it is urgent and about a riot this morning."

Shakily Malcolm Turnbull listened to the Chinese Ambassador who was one very angry man.

"China will not forget what happened in the city of Cairns," the Ambassador told him angrily. "We will never forget the humiliation given to one of our leading corporations, the Shanghai Hangyang Corporation. We will remember this, yes we will, in our future dealings with Australia. Good day to you Mr Prime Minister."

For the second time that morning, someone hung up on Malcolm Turnbull. Wearily, he stood and appraoched the window overlooking the gardens of Parliament House. There standing on the lawn and laughing at the antics of a small girl, was the Parliamentary Leader of the Opposition, ALP Member, Penny Wong. Malcolm knew she was in a lesbian relationship and the small girl was undoubtedly her daughter, born with the help of invitro fertilisation.

For a few seconds he watched the laughing little girl and Mother with a wistful expression. It was so much easier to be in Opposition, he thought. Not having to cope with fools such as Colonel Ken fucking Cush, Campbell Napoleon Newman, or bloody pissed off Chinese Ambassadors!!

He stood and sighed and sat back down again at his desk. There was some correspondence there from the USA Pentagon. It had been on his desk for a cuple of days, but he just hadn't found the time to read it. Resolutely, he picked it up, and instantly his head swam.....There it was again! Colonel Ken Cush, the Mayor of Cairns Regional Council!

With growing dismay he read the correspondence and found that Colonel Cush was negotiating with the US Pentagon to build a Rest and Recreation Hotel for its Pacific troops on a large central parcel of land in Cairns called Munro Martyn Park.

Malcolm groaned and held his head in his hands. Why oh why, he thought, did he give up his job as CEO of one of Australia's fastest growing information technology companies to become a bloody politician? Oh if only he had stayed with Information Technology, he wouldn't have to deal with all of this....


Councillor Enzo Bomboniere survived the brutal assault at the front of the Cairns Regional Council office. He had two broken ribs, a broken nose, and concussion, but Doctors were
optimistic he would recover well. Councillor Dom Piper was also lucky not to receive severe injuries and was released from hospital that night still coughing and choking on the residue of the huge clouds of capsicum gas released by the police to quell the riot.

Not so lucky were two men and one woman who died from their injuries. Five men were left with severe crippling injuries and one man was plunged into a coma.

Constable Ruby Frome was the only police casualty and was hospitaised with a broken collar bone and suspected concussion.

Councillor Mervyn Mingin, the big aboriginal Councillor had sustained nothing more than severe bruises. He judged he owed his life to the quick thinking of KelliAnne the Council's Customer Service Supervisor, who had promptly become hysterical after opening the doors to let him
inside to safety. Mervyn was thinking a lot of KelliAnne and realising now why she was always so pleasant to him.

At the end of the day, when the swarms of flying foxes flew over the tropical city, and the central district began to open up for the nightlife, Councillor Doug Dunnysmore was monged out of his consciousness. He lay still as death itself on his mate Pedro's couch. In front of him, the six o'clock evening news led with the awful events of the morning and the worst ever riot in the history of Cairns. Councillor Dunnysmore couldn't have cared less.

Councillor Skye Lovelady sat hunched in front of her television set, watching with fearful and disbelieving eyes. Beside her, Ryan held her hand.

Still inside the Mayor's Office at the Cairns Regional Council, Colonel Ken Cush and his Deputy Mayor, Horsey Horsemann were so drunk as to be only described in one word - maggotted.

Cush was laughing. "Christ Horsey haven't had such a good bloody laugh as when Newman smashed the fucken Labor Party. Geez that was a fucken laugh hey. Did yer see that fucken
poncey little wop fella wazza his name, Bomboniere getting clobbered. Geez I laughed hey. I laughed and laughed."

Horsey couldn't reply. He had passed out.

To be continued........



  1. I rather think you have some of the differences between Malcolom Turnbull and Campbell Newman described well in this episode, Terry. Yes, I fully imagine Campbell Newman will become despotic and dictatorial. Never before has a Government had so much power in a State Parliament and Newman does not have any prior Pariamentary experience. Frankly, Queenslanders should be worried.

    1. I agree Liz. Interesting to read in The Courier Mail where Newman is already denying the ALP or what is left of them any offices, phones, computers etc which normally are given to an Opposition. Newman is already in dictator mode.

  2. Had a good chuckle at the blast from the past, "Don't you worry about that!"

  3. Scarey the power that Newman has. It would have to be the most powerful Government now in Australian history. Newman has made it plain he is going to govern without any opposition party. For the Americans who come into this blog, the Newman Conservative Government of Queensland is very close to the American Tea Party in its values and ideology. Queensland is a very different sort of State to other Australian States.

    1. Agreed Curly Joe. I'd like to point out again that my blog is read by many Americans, and, last time I checked my stats, I had more Americans than Australians reading the blog.

  4. Always laugh at Doug Dunnysmore and that line you had last episode. "Not my scene man, know what I mean?" when he saw the riot at the front of the Council building.

  5. My stats reveal I am now attracting four times as many American viewers as I do Aussies. Thought I would just mention that.

  6. What a disgusting toad of a human being this Colonel Cush is. I only keep on reading your blog because there is this sense of horrified fascination with him. Just when you think he cannot get possibly any worse, he does. Could we possibly ever elect such a foul human being into public office, I wonder?

  7. Jeeeeeeeeeezuz Terry mate, you still alive? Christ or mighty hey I really thought you'd karked it or something hey. I even had a squiz every now and then at the despatched notices in the old compost, fair dinkum mate. Dunno where youve been, the old blogosphere has been a bit boreing since you went AWOL. Yeah you sort of become addicted to old Cush wondering what he's gonna do next. Glad to see you back again mate anyhow have a Winfield.

  8. Gotta love that dude Dunnysmore. He ought to be Mayor I reckon. Having a few cones while his council colleages all get flogged by some arseoles. Hes one hell of a real cool dude.

  9. Hell, Terry, talk about shades of old Joh Bjelke-Petersen. DON'T YOU WORRY ABOUT THAT. It was his stock in trade answer. I must say I had a good laugh at that conversation between Newman and Turnbull. I can see fireworks between the two.

  10. Good to see you back again Terry. Enjoy your comments on the compost site as well. I agree with your assessment here on the differences between Turnbull and Newman, a bit like chalk and cheese I think. Keep on writing, Im hooked, as they say.

  11. Thanks everyone. I just noticed I posted two comments about the number of Americans reading the blog. I have some regular readers in California who keep me informed as to what is happening there, particularly with the media machine.

  12. Thought I would also send a welcome to my regular Russian readers! Welcome! Hope you are enjoying the blog.

  13. We got a council election coming up next week Terry. Who you reckon is going to be Mayor? and Who you reckon willo be the councilors. I dont like Manning he reminds me of cOLONEL Cush.

  14. Vyonne, my character, Colonel Ken Cush, is entirely drawn from my imagination. He is not real.