Sunday, 14 August 2011


We fought the fucken commies in Vietnam fifty years ago and now everyone believes we beat the crap out of 'em. All that fucken Hollywood spewing out those fucken Chuck Norris movies. Every bastard you meet today says, "I've been over there and they're just like us now." Just like us. Yeah, just like us. My arse. Hardly any Australian bastard today understands what communism is. Only ideology most people have today is "Look after Number One." That, and buy, buy, buy, more, more, more. Cush thought disgustedly as he spluttered into his glass of merlot. Australians just gave him the shits more and more as time went on.

Cush was watching the 60 Minutes program on Bud Yarrow, the newly elected Cairns Regional Councillor, who had been found guilty of mass child murder in both Vietnam and Bali. The
journalists were interviewing Australians who had used Yarrow's Medical Services Agency in
Vietnam. They were conservative looking, middle aged Australians from Brisbane. "Oh, if it wasn't for Mr Yarrow," the woman twittered nervously, "we would have had to pay out $15,000 for my husband's teeth to be fixed in Australia. Dentistry in Australia is just so expensive, I mean no-one can afford the dentists fees there anymore."

Yeah, that's right, thought Cush, we have the private enterprise country and regard private enterprise as a fucken sacred cow, then we all piss off to a commie country and use their services while whinging and bellyaching on national television about the costs of private enterprise. Fucken Australians!

He couldn't help feeling sour. The 60 Minutes team had travelled to Vietnam, exposing the
huge number of Yarrow's victims, as well as interviewing the Vietnamese Police Minister and various Australians staying in Yarrow's hotels.

Nearly fifty years ago, he had volunteered to fight the commies and arrived, as an eager, bright eyed and busy tailed nineteen year old in Vietnam in time for the Tet Offensive of 1967. What the fuck was it all for? he thought bitterly, swallowing more of his merlot.

The 60 Minutes program wasn't all about Bud Yarrow, who was scheduled to be executed by firing squad in either Indonesia or Vietnam within the week, depending on which country
won the argument they were embroiled in over who got to shoot the mass murderer. The program also covered the recent Cairns Regional Council By-Election in which Bud Yarrow had been voted into Council by the residents of Division Two.

Cush watched with a sneer as the program detailed the day of the by-election and an interview with the Reverend Harmon. Thank fucken Christ, the bloody happy clappin' sky pilot wasn't going to come into the Council, Cush thought.

It had been a hell of a fortnight since the by-election. Cush had quickly had to distance himself from being the person who made the decision to nominate Bud Yarrow as Conservative Party Candidate, and with the help of Horsey, his Deputy Mayor, and the Editor of the local Murdoch newspaper, "The Cairns Post" had pinned the entire blame on the Secretary of the Cairns Conservative Party, Ms Brooklyn Taylor-Downs. Oh, Ms Taylor-Downs had screeched and squealed but soon shut up when it was hinted that she had nominated Bud Yarrow because she had been having an affair with him and did her boyfriend know? Cush heard she had left Cairns which suited him fine.

The Murdoch media which had openly supported Bud Yarrow, with glowing editorials urging voters to vote for him in the by-election, went immediately into damage control.

Councillor Skye Lovelady's efforts to have the Department of Environment take legal action against Colonel Cush for killing an entire colony of flying foxes in the central business district fell through, with the Department advising that it would not prosecute. The editor of "The Cairns Post" latched onto this with great relief, and published the story on the front page, under banner headlines of "DEPARTMENT SUPPORTS KILLING OF FLYING FOXES". The accompanying photograph blown up to half a page in size, was one the Editor repeatedly printed of the only female Councillor, Skye Lovelady where her long golden hair was curled up under her armpit.
Councillor Lovelady was an arrestingly attractive young woman, but the long hair, caught up under her arm looked like a bristling brush full of underarm hair. The Editor loved it as much as he loved referring to Lovelady as "the hairy one in the Council" or "Lady Hairmouth" and other such insults. Councillor Lovelady was the only Greens Party Councillor on the Council and loathed by Cush and the Conservative Party.

The local radio shock jock who had absented himself for over a week after his own declarations of enthusiastic support for Bud Yarrow and his claims of close friendship with the killer, returned to his talk-back program with a sneering attack on Councillor Lovelady.

"Did everyone see that disgusting, revolting sight on the front page of todays "Cairns Post?" he asked. "I almost vomited up my cornflakes after seeing that. I mean, does that woman know the meaning of personal grooming or does she like to present herself as a female yeti or something? Has anyone out there got a damned razor or maybe a pair of shears would be more appropriate, to send her?"

First of the callers was Siobhan of Whitfield, "Ooooh yuk," she twittered, "I thought it was just gross, I mean, I really thought I was going to pass out or something, I dunno if I will be able to go to work today after seeing that............."

Regular caller, Marva, was next. "I have some garden secateurs she could use," she laughed.
The shock jock thought this was hilarious and laughed along with Marva.

Lulled into a good mood, the shock jock momentarily forgot the characteristics of the next caller. "Wayne of Bayview Heights."
"You're one sick fuck, mate," said Wayne rapidly. "You approve of the mass slaughter of flying foxes and claim a mass child killer is your best friend and the best bloke.............."

"Oh, we seem to have lost Wayne of Bayview Heights," stumbled the shock jock, switching his program to music.

The media machine in Cairns was back to normality.

Cush had encountered enormous difficulties with trying to get his own replacement for Bud Yarrow now that Yarrow was officially disqualified from holding office. The Minister for Local Government had flatly refused his request to hold a further by-election for Division 2 and had told Cush that he intended frcing special legislation through State Parliament enabling the next-in-line candidate the right to take up office should the winning candidate be disqualified.
"We're having too fucken many by-elections, and it's costing the State too much fucken money!" the Minister for Local Government had growled at Cush, before hanging up his phone as Cush started to protest.

It had been a mongrel of a fortnight. A right mongrel! The result of all of this was that the new Councillor for Division 2 was that little yellow freak, Dougie Dunnysmore. However Cush and Horsey had plans for Mr Dunnysmore.

Plans which the little yellow freak had better heed, Cush thought grimly, pouring himself yet another glass of merlot. The sale of the 21.5 hectares of rainforest land on Whitfield Hill to a Chinese Corporation was ready to be voted on by Council, and Cush didn't want that loopy little poof to fuck it all up. He didn't want another Greenie in the Council like fucken Lovelady who was always rabbiting on about saving the hillslopes of Cairns and the fucken beauty of the rainforests. He and Horsey stood to make at least two mill. each from the sale, and no-one, NO-ONE was going to stop them.

The 60 Minutes program ended with the journalist saying something about the Reverend Harmon's campaign to be elected as Councillor was "in all probability, deliberately hijacked with the publication of misleading information about his private life. Suspicion points to Colonel Ken Cush and his Conservative Party............"

Cush switched the program off with a flick of his remote control. Bloody good thing Australians don't remember anything these days for too long, he thought. The whole bloody fiasco of the sky pilot, Bud Yarrow and all that shit would be forgotten by most residents within a couple of weeks.

He drained his glass of merlot and thought about what he was going to say to Dougie Dunnysmore, the new Councillor for Division 2 when he rocked up to the Council the following day.

To be continued.....................


  1. Hooray, you're back. How old is this bloody Cush anyways? If he was in the Tet Offensive, he would have to be at least 65 in 2013? I got to agree though a lot of Aussies believe we won the war. Sad.

  2. Cush is dead right about Vietnam. Most people around me believe we won the war and that the country is now a democracy "JUST LIKE US" as you have written. Its a sad reflection on our miserable society that a lot of people get their so called facts from Hollywood movies and not by reading accounts by historians. Its also true that most Aussies no longer understand political ideologies, they havent a fucken clue.

  3. Like Bob, I have been waiting and waiting for this instalment. You have me hooked, Terry! I'm not too sure that Aussies believe we "won the war" against Vietnam. I think at some level we all understand what happened. So Cush is a Vietnam Vet, seeing service during the horrendous Tet Offensive? It makes it easier to understand his bitterness and perhaps take a different glimpse of his dark and complex personality. One thing I do agree with in this instalment is that it is true Australians are now totally confused with political ideology. For example State ownership and control of production and resourcers is economic socialism. When you point that out to people who say they are opposed to the "sale of State assets by the Premier, Anna Bligh", they look at you with complete confusion and say stridently that they are "vehemently opposed to socialism." In other words, they do want it, but then they say they don't. Yes, complete confusion over basic political ideology.

  4. Now the big bloody question is mate whether Dunnysmore gets to see Yarrow have a public flogging or not?

  5. I feel really ashamed in admitting this, but many Aussies would feel more offended at seeing a woman's underarm hair than seeing an entire colony of flying foxes killed. We have become a sick, shallow, appearance driven society.

  6. I think this has been suggestged before, Im not sure, but I would like to see at least one episode of "Wayne and the radio shock jock" in which Wayne bores it fair up him without hearing "Oh we seem to have lost Wayne".

  7. Thanks for the comments peoples. Anonymous above, yes it has been raised before and yes "Wayne of Bayview Heights" will make occasional appearances. He has only appeared very briefly in a couple of episodes but he seems to have made a good impression on folks!

  8. Love that dry comment ..."The media machine in Cairns was back to normality." Made me laugh.

  9. Sherry in Calif.15 August 2011 at 18:07

    A fear a majority of people today, not only in Australia but also the USA no longer understand political ideologies. Here in the USA liberalism is losing to an aggressive, predatory arch-conservatism. As you pointed out with that example of State ownership and socialism, people no longer understand what they believe. It isn't just sad, it is so frightening. Everything that our political system and society has built up over the decades is being taken away from us and as the rug from beneath us is slowly being pulled away, people are clutching at anything to stay standing.

  10. Thanks for your comment Sherry. I note my American readership is increasing!!!

  11. The Cairns Post always prints that awful picture of Val Shier the one with her mouth wide open in front of a microphone. Its not a nice photo but this is what they are doing too to Skye Lovelady printing an ugly photo so that people laugh at her. I dont think this is very fair and I have noticed The CAIRNS POST does this a lot to people they dont like.

  12. I had to laugh this morning when I read in the local compost that a military man has nominated for Division 1 in next years council elections. And yes, in his first statement he mentioned "strong leadership and strong direction." ROFL Terry, you are prophetic!

  13. Didn't surprise me at all Neil. It was predictable. With the endless rantings by our own local shock jock and tabloid "writer" that we "need a STRONG leader" I fully expected some military people would step up. What type of people believe they are "strong" and can offer "strong leadership" hmmm??? I must point out again however that my character Colonel Ken Cush is entirely fictitious and a product of my imagination.

  14. Disgusted Aussie17 August 2011 at 15:35

    I was listening in to one woman recently talk about going to Vietnam for extensive dental treatment. She blamed the high cost of dental treatment in Australia on "dental hygienists" and the usual "wages". I couldn't help myself interrupting sarcastically with "Of course the dentists don't make much either do they?" Thankfully, the woman had the good grace to shut up. I've also spoken to people who have travelled to Vietnam. What a waste of travel! All they spoke about was shopping and the food.

  15. Im just agreeing with what Tegan said above. There would be more outraged comment from the public on a woman showing underarm hair than the wholesale killing of a colony of flying foxes or even a community of people voting for a serial child killer to represent them. The underarm hair thing would provide the media with a successful diversion from their role in promoting a killer as a suitable candidate. Its sad that the meedja today manipulate and exploit people like puppets appealing to their basest instincts, fear, prejudice, jealousy, vanity, greed etc. The recent riots in London, the mass killing in Norway, all are pointers for us. Our turn will come.

  16. Im a new reader of the blog and have a lot of catching up to do by the looks of it. I gather the councillor Skye Lovelady (love the name BTW) is the subject of the daily hate sessions doled out by our local radio shock jock. You have mentioned Mount Whitfield and how Cush intends to sell it to a Chinese corporation. I imagine Skye Lovelady will oppose the sale being a conservationist. The media are already tearing into her destroying her credibility and making her a figure of fun and mockery. The big question is whether the people of Whitfield and surrounding areas will understand how a huge complex will change their environment and how Skye Lovelady is their champion on the council not the city clown. I say this because the current Council have bought that land to preserve it yet the people of Whitfield etc have not said a single word of thanks. In fact because I live there I overhear them running Mayor Val Schier down quoting back the things that the shock jock says about her. Its a good series Terry and I will be reading it now as much as I can.

  17. Welcome to the blog Lorre and thanks for your comment.

  18. Gay as they come19 August 2011 at 16:27

    I started reading this blog because at one time you were writing about same sex parental support groups and it interested me. (I am in a same sex relationship). Therefore, I was interested in following the lives of Berri and Heather and the same sex parental support group and the issues that were raised there. However you seem to have lost them somewhere amongst all of this political stuff. Have you killed them off or are you bringing them back? I want to say that I think your blog is absolutely unique. I am unable to find anything like it on the net. Please bring Heather, Berri and little Monsoon (love the name) back.

  19. Gay as they come, keep on reading. Berri, Heather and Monsoon do come back.