Wednesday, 31 August 2011


The Editor of Rupert Murdoch's newspaper "The Cairns Post" stood at the window of The
Cairns Post building, marvelling at the huge Chinese red flag painted on the side of the newest tower in Cairns.

It never ceased to amaze him just how much had been achieved by His Worship the Mayor, Colonel Ken Cush and his Council, since being overwhelmingly elected by the people of Cairns and district just a short eighteen months ago. All that idiotic nonsense about an Entertainment Precinct for Cairns had thankfully bitten the dust, and instead of a "monument to an ego" being built, the land had been sold to a Chinese corporation by the Cush Council, and a large, imposing 64 floor gleaming white tower had been built in its place. It symbolized Cush, thought the Editor, and the strong leadership and direction he was giving Cairns.

Oh, there had been some opposition to the painting of the Chinese red flag, which was visible all over the city and as far South as Woree, especially from some old boys in the RSL. "The red symbolizes the communist revolution, and the large yellow star represents communism," they had thundered in outrage. "We don't want that in this city!"

The Editor smiled indulgently at the memory. Old boys and their quaint, old fashioned beliefs! Most Cairns people however liked it and were forever making the comparison that it was much preferable to the former Mayor, Val Schier's plan to have her "monument to an ego" on the site.
Besides many Cairns people had written in to "The Cairns Post" saying the attractive red and yellow on the flag, added a much needed splash of colour to the Cairns skyline.

Siobhan, the fashion editor for "The Cairns Post" had declared the yellow and red of the flag to be the "new fashion colours for Cairns" and had written that she would be proudly wearing an outfit of cherry red and sunny yellow to the Cairns Amateurs that year. That had been the cue for so many Cairns women to design their own yellow and red outfits, and the 2013 Cairns Amateurs had been a blaze of reds and yellows. Siobhan's own outfit featured a red suit dotted with yellow stars and a fascinator in the shape of a yellow star.

Siobhan's partner, Zane, looked at her with disgust as they drove to the Cannon Park Racecourse. "Mao designed that flag," he told her, "after the communist revolution. The red is for the revolution and the blood spilled during it, and the yellow star is for communism, while the little yellow stars are for the people."

"I don't know who on earth you're talking about," Siobhan replied sulkily, pushing her bottom lip out. "I don't know anyone called Mao. What a stupid name anyway." Zane gave up.

As he looked up Abbott Street and Spence Street, the Editor saw the growing influence of Chinese businesses in the central business district. Gone were the many Japanese tourist shops which had existed within the CBD for several decades, to be replaced by Chinese professional and tourist shop fronts.

The arrival of the Chinese as an economic force in Cairns had been a boon to the city, the Editor decided. Soon after the tower had commenced construction, they had added their voice and weight to the long drawn out quest to have the Cairns inlet widened and regularly dredged to allow more shipping into Port. There had been a long, ongoing inquiry into environmental concerns by the Queensland Government, and, thanks to the Chinese muscle, that inquiry had been fast tracked and resolved in the affirmative. Oh, the Chinese had to take the environmental agencies to Court, and it had been a long and bitter battle, but the Chinese had won in the end. The Editor had been delighted to write the story, praising both Colonel Cush and the Chinese for their persistence, and slamming the bullshit bureaucratic red tape which had held up the dredging operations for so long. Where do these environmental agencies get off? he often wondered.

Two dredges sent from China were currently working away in the port, right now. The Editor marvelled again at just how quick and efficient the Chinese were. No mucking about!

As he walked back slowly to his desk, to write the Editorial supporting the development of a large "Executive Training and Retreat" complex on Mt Whitfield, sudden unbidden images of last nights sex acts at "The Red Plum" filled his mind. He and Deputy Mayor, Bob (Horsey) Horseman, had spent a few very enjoyable hours there last night watching the unbelievable contortions of a couple of entertainers showing just how inventive sex could be. The establishment of "Gentlemen's Clubs" had been another much welcomed innovation of Colonel Cush and his Council, and Cairns now boasted six such clubs.

The images made him involuntarily shiver and his balls ache. Abruptly, he turned to go into the gents.


Angela Warrington-Mather sat on her decking overlooking Mt Whitfield, and fumed as she sipped her chardie. Never, never had she been spoken down to as His Worship the Mayor, Colonel Ken Cush, had done to her that morning on the local radio talk-back show!!

He had spoken to her as if she was a simpleton or a child. He had been so rude and dismissive and had cut her off. She fumed as she looked at the mountainside of Mt Whitfield and in her minds eye saw a huge complex stretching out across the vista instead of the pleasant verdant image of trees, shrubbery and grasses.

They would fight this, she determined. Oh, never in her life had Angela Warrington-Mather fought for anything. She was always very clear that she did not agree with conservationists or greenies because let's face it, they were against development and progress. She had nothing against the Chinese establishing a huge "Exeuctive Training and Recreation" centre in Cairns either, but, she reasoned, not on Mt. Whitfield. Not destroying her lovely views of an afternoon when she and her husband drank their wines of an evening and enjoyed the fragrances of the exotic vegetation drifting on the wind from the mountain. The vistas from her balcony added considerable value to her lovely home as well. I mean, who the hell would want to buy it, if it overlooked three thousand Chinese men jogging up and down the Blue Arrow or something? Why couldn't Cush and the Council sell all those disgusting houses in what was that awful street in Manoora? Oh, yes, Murray Street. Why didn't the Council sell all of those and build the Chinese complex there? She felt a lump rise in her throat at the thought of losing money and poured herself another glass of chardie.

She would get the people of Stratford, Redlynch, Freshwater, Brinsmead, Whitfield and Edge Hill to alll rise up and protest this development, big time. BIG TIME!


Councillor Troy (Dougie) Dunnysmore sat in front of His Worship the Mayor of Cairns Regional Council, Colonel Ken Cush, in the Mayor's office.

"We will be voting on the sale of a parcel of land on Mt Whitfield tomorrow," explained
Cush carefully, eyeing Dunnysmore with a hard stare and trying not to grimace as he looked at Dunnysmore's very yellow face. "It's a parcel of land owned by the Council, and not the National Park area. I want to make that clear to you. We have an offer from a Chinese corporation who want to build a comprehensive executive training and recreation facilility on the land and the sale will provide the Council with sufficient funds to keep down any rise in rates for next years budget. Now as you know I am committed to not raising the rates during my term in office. Are you with me?"

Dunnysmore nodded. "I am also committed to not raising the rates," he said. "In fact it was one of my pledges during my election."

"Good," replied Cush. "So can I have your support in the Chamber, when the vote comes up?
There will be the usual objections from the greenies, socialists and ratbags in the Council like Mingin and Lovelady, but you don't have to take any notice of those fools."

"I'm not a greenie," replied Dunnysmore. "I support anything which will provide jobs and income to the people of Cairns, and it sounds like this development will be good for Cairns."

Cush was delighted. "Good!" he beamed, slapping the desk in front of him.

"Now I have another proposal ready to be put forward to Council as well, and these are two applications from the Stringfellow Corporation to establish two Stringfellow Gentlemen's Clubs, one in the Cairns Central Business District and another at Port Douglas," Cush continued, turning his back on Dunnysmore to look at some papers.

With his back turned, he didn't see the look of horror which flashed across Dunnysmore's face.
"Uh huh," mumbled Dunnysmore.
Cush took this as an affirmative. "Good," he replied, still not looking up from the paperwork.
"Well that's all for now. I'm sure you have something else to do."

He waved his hand regally at Dunnysmore who, feeling quite relieved, quickly fled the Mayor's office.

It had been quite an experience for Dunnysmore, the Councillor for Division 2, that first morning. He had expected hostility from the other Councillors, however he had been jovially welcomed by the big aboriginal Councillor for Division 5, Mervyn Mingin. "How yer goin' bro," Mingin had boomed in a large voice, "we got another coloured bro in the Council hey?" as he thumped him on the back. Councillors Piper and Bomboniere had been very cordial, showing him his desk and taking him to meet all the Council staff. Councillor Skye Lovelady had also been very pleasant, presenting him with some environmentally friendly cleaning materials to clean his desk. Lovelady had been so beautiful in the flesh, that she had literally taken his breath away. Oh, she always looked a lovely creature in the photos in "The Cairns Post", but meeting her in real life, she was just a vision of perfection itself. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen!

As he emerged from the Mayor's office, he automatically sought out Councillor Lovelady. There she was, standing in one of the corridors, in close conversation with one of the engineers. He stood for a while, drinking in her beauty. "Bro, she's taken!" whispered a voice close behind.
He jumped and spun around to see Councillor Mingin standing behind.

Dunnysmore shrugged his shoulders and gave a Bee Gees' giggle.

"Come and have lunch with me in the cafe, bro," suggested Mingin. "And you can ask me any question you want about the Council and its operations and I'll try to answer them for you."

As Dunnysmore headed downstairs to the Council cafeteria, he thought that maybe, just maybe he could really enjoy being a Councillor with the Cairns Regional Council.

To be continued................


  1. Terry- I love your description of the editor of the Post! From compost to commypost!

  2. Christ, you cracked me up in this one Terry ole China plate. I spluttered out my mouthfull of morning coffee reading that bit about the Editor making a detour in the office. Siobhan prolly thinks "Mao" is the person who invented mayonaise. You got the NIMBY attitude spot on I reckon they're all for development as long as it is not near their own property.

  3. An episode devoted to the self-absorbtion and superficiality of people today. I like it. Yes, precious little Siobhan and her friends would dress themselves up in a flag which represents one of the worlds worst civil wars of all time. I wonder if the boyfriend will stay long with such a bimbo?

  4. Sheeesh, you people are quick off the mark in posting your comments! I only just finished this episode this morning. Already I have had 30 Australians read it, and it is just 10.00am.
    You must all be reading it at work!

  5. Why wouldn't I read it at work? It's so damned addictive and besides I'm my own boss here. I cracked up too about the Editor slapping the monkey. So instead of a "monument to an ego", Cairns gets a "monument to a rising empire."
    That'd be right.

  6. Global corporations have been amassing world wide power at an alarming rate this past decade. Terry has pre-empted this with his huge Chinese tower located, as if it were, on guard at the entrance to Cairns and the haste with which the Chinese corporatists are engaged in dredging the harbour and purchasing a large tract of land on Mt Whitfield. Cush would be the perfect Mayor for these corporatists, agreeing to everything they wanted provided his palms were greased. As always, a good episode Terry, some laughs interspersed with some head shaking cringes.

  7. Yeah, a "monument to a rising empire" owned by an overseas corporation, rather than a community owned theatre, museum and convention centre. I can see it coming. You were a bit slow in posting this chapter weren't you Terry mate?

  8. **Sigh*** Bob R. I only have the time these days to write one episode a week, but that is in line with the initial feedback I received from readers way back in April and May. "Give us one episode a week," they said. So I am doing my best to make it a weekly thing.

  9. So it was Cush's ego all along that was going to be displayed hey, Terry. Surprise bloody surprise! Good to hear of Lovelady and Mingin once again. You had me ROTFLMFAO with this episode. Yep Neil is right, you've got me hooked too! Looking forward to the next episode and reading other comments.

  10. the bogan from Bentley1 September 2011 at 15:35

    Christ I laughed at this hey. The Cairns Post have been sticking it fair up the bloody current Council and its about time someone stuck it fair up them. Bwah har har wonder how many times the Editor has to piss off to the boys room hey? Hey I reckon I wouldn't mind a place like this Red Plum either.

  11. Heeeeeeello Dunnysmore the weirdo is captivated with the beautiful Councillor Lovelady. Now will she put him under her spell, so to speak, and bring him on side with the others opposing Cush?

  12. Terry I loved what Merv Mingin said to Dunnysmore - We got another coloured bro in the Council. I had to laugh at that. Glad you haVE bought Mingin back because I like him.

  13. Someone told me that the comments on this blog are often better than the blog itself. Ive just done some looking back through the history and I reckon their right.

  14. Yvonne, Mingin will feature in further episodes. Keep on reading. Tegan, good question, but ahhh, I'm not saying. Keep on reading to find out if the lovely Skye can influence Dunnysmore.
    Anonymous above, I couldn't agree more.

  15. Sheeesh, I can't believe how many people are reading this blog in working hours! Get back to work!!!

  16. Of course he didn't bother "consulting" the people of Cairns as to selling off THEIR land to the Chinese. Memories, memories.

  17. ROFL, I wonder if THE EDITOR can keep away from "The Red Plum". Porn can be highly addictive so he runs the risk of having these hormonal surges on and off all the time. ROFL, he'll end up gaunt and hollow eyed weak and shaky and wanting to shag like a rabid rabbit several times a day.

  18. the bogan from Bentley2 September 2011 at 15:57

    Christ, lets all live in hope he pulls his dick right off then again maybe its already been pulled off, what you reckon?

  19. Yeah when youve been in one of them places for a few hours you want to shag anything that moves and I tell you some blokes couldnt care if it moved or not. fair dinkum!

  20. Ewwwww, do we really need a lesson in male sexuality?

  21. Yes, Colonel Cush has opened up wide the doors to Chinese corporatists with his "quid pro quo" method of doing business. The skyline of Cairns and its mountainous backdrop are about to change irreversibly, cheered on with religious fervour by the local media machine. Little do the people of Cairns know, that Chinese money influenced the Court decision in allowing wholescale dredging of the Cairns harbour and inlet. As the Chinese well know, "Every man has his price!" and the Australian judiciary are no different. So while the Editor of "The Cairns Post" is busy writing his glowing editorial stating that the 3,000 roomed "Executive Training and Retreat" is the most marvellous thing for Cairns since Oprah visited our airport
    amidst an orgy of gushing media publicity, some people at Kewarra Beach are wondering why all this mud is being washed up on their beach.

  22. Thanks "God or mighty" for your extra background material.

  23. LOL, the way that Cush dismisses Dunnysmore with a lordly wave of the hand. What an arrogant tyrant he is! I wonder if Angela can arouse the community of Cairns to fight for their mountain in time?

  24. Stretches the credibility a bit too far to think that environmental studies into dredging the Cairns Inlet would be "fast-tracked". We have a World Heritage listed Great Barrier Reef to protect here. There is currently an on-going study and I would expect it to be pretty thorough and lengthy in time. Still, "Cush" is fiction and anything is possible in the world of imagination.

  25. Before you head into your Dashboard and check the stats, I am reading this at work, in working hours. Your blog has caused quite a sensation here at work, (which I shall decline to name), and is read from what I can make out, from the hoi polloi to the serfs at the coalface. It gives us something to chat about in the tea-room, as well as making up "Colonel Cush" jokes.
    Frankly I don't know if everyone can make all the extrapolations of what you are writing, but I can tell you this, it is giving people plenty of laughs. Keep it up mate and looking forward to seeing what happens with Mt Whitfield.

  26. Mary Contrary at work4 September 2011 at 16:54

    And did Siobhan win the Fashions in the Field at the Cairns Amateurs is what I want to know. Wearing the yellow star of communism as a fascinator would be a certainty to get the attention and admiration of the judges.

  27. sadie at work too4 September 2011 at 17:13

    Our boss at work is exactly like Colonel Cush and we all hate him. I think thats why we like reading this even though it is smutty sometimes.We call our boss behind his back the Colonel.

  28. I have no qualms about people discussing the blog at work, but puh-leeeeeeeze I would rather you don't read it in working hours.

  29. Stuff the Amateurs4 September 2011 at 20:04

    Mary Contrary, chances are the judges wouldn't have a clue what the big yellow star represents. They would probably call it "cute" and "gorgeous".

  30. Wonder if Brandi wore the hat that Cush described as "a parrot's bum" in an earlier episode? The Amateurs is just one gigantic piss up these days.

  31. Christ, back in the 1910s or thereabouts women used to actually have stuffed birds in their hats. Reckon it wont be long before some ditzy female re-starts the fashion. Be alright if they all go for the mynah bird I reckon.

  32. the bogan from Bentley5 September 2011 at 01:57

    No shit hey? I reckon my old lady would look pretty cool with a few dead mynah birds up in her hair.

  33. Yeah mate, it'd be a fascinator alright.

  34. You guys make me laugh!